The Brotherhood of Temple Israel is well known for its emphasis on high quality programming, and Hearing Men's Voices is part of the core of this. Having provided HMV sessions every year since the initial inception of the program with FJMC, we have tackled a number of challenging topics and the level of personal sharing seems to increase with time. For this past year, we decided that it was appropriate to address family issues directly, allowing men a structured and safe place to share feelings about some of their most intimate relationships.

In the summer of 2018, we assembled a committee of 6 people to plan out an HMV series for the year. Of note, we had two new HMV chairs, who were mentored by past HMV chairs, to pass along knowledge while encouraging moving in new directions. Part of what has been a strength of our club has also been the active involvement of past leaders helping to train the next generation of leaders, and this series was a good example of that. After opening discussion and considering a variety of themes, it was decided that family relations felt right and offered plenty of material for an ongoing series. Several weeks were taken to contact potential facilitators, hosts, and registrars, so that by late summer, we were able to advertise the series. We have used this model of HMV to engage the widest possible group of people to assume some leadership and ownership. In addition to the new co-chairs and former chairs, we had six new facilitators, six different hosts, and six registrars who keep a count of who will be in attendance. As a result, 20 people played an important role in this HMV program, and this tends to encourage more active club involvement. Many of our top leaders got their start as an HMV registrar, host, or registrar. All sessions are conducted in the home of a member as this seems to encourage more relaxed sharing of stories, as well as creating more personal relationships among members.

The HMV program began in October of 2018 and ran for a six month period, with a session nearly every month. The facilitators were briefed on the expectations of how to lead a discussion, though experienced HMV leaders also attended each meeting for support and consistency. The registrars tracked RSVPs and the hosts provided space and snacks. A flyer went out to the temple and brotherhood membership, and individuals were encouraged to invite friends to join in. Email reminders were sent, postings for the Shabbat announcements, temple bulletin, and information screens in the temple lobby were used to advertise the sessions. On average, there were 10-15 attendees at each meeting, some coming to several of the meetings, some coming to one, and some attending all. For each session, there were probing questions to help get the discussion going, and each facilitator was encouraged to share something of his own experiences with the topic. Each meeting was set for 90 minutes, though informal discussion usually followed after the session had ended.

The first session revolved around ones relationship with his parents and exploring how we may be similar or dissimilar to them. Next, we looked at our relationships with our children, dealing with the joys and stresses, as well as living up to, or not, being positive role models. A third meeting involved sibling relationships, which raised issues of both closeness and rivalries which have evolved over time. Once the series hit the half way point, it was time to introduce the marital relationship, so that people were "warmed up" so to speak. This was focused on what made people fall in love with their spouses, the early periods of the relationship from dating to matrimony, and then becoming a family. Everything from communication, relational styles, and sex was discussed, with attention to how those areas shifted with time. The last two sessions dealt with the extended family, from grandparents and cousins, to the in-laws, the sessions raised the many facets of broader family groupings. Much of this raised nostalgia about being young and getting together with the larger family for holidays and vacations, some of this also addressed both the pluses and stresses of having married into family. One of the more striking findings was that it didn't matter very much where people had grown up. The general experiences people had with families was often universal, which not only made attendees feel more understood, but also closer to other participants.

All told, the HMV series was a cohesive set of topics which could be easily replicated by any club. As the budget is close to zero, and the success dependent on people's time, this is a program which could work in most any setting. As the ideal group for each of the sessions is usually under 20, it also is great for smaller clubs. The positive impact of the sessions always led to people staying around at the host's home after the meeting, and those who couldn't attend were frequently asking how things went and what they had missed. The series was viewed to be highly successful by all and engaged a broad variety of members and some non-members alike.